She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
