I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
