i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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