i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
