You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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