we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
