dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can text with my tongue
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
