I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
