You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
