She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
