Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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