I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
