Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
