I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
