I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there's paper in my vomit.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
