Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
