im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
