I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
