Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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