my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
