plz talk dirty to me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
