do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish my penis had an off switch
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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