we're chasing vodka with high fives
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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