Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
