I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
