can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
