That's intense
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
