brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
