I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
