You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
