They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
