i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
