My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
