so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
