why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
