Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
