If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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