dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
