shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
