Jerry, you need to find god
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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