everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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