You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
