Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
