Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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