So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
