It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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