11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
