He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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