Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
