just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
