p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have feelings that need drinking.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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