You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I want her autograph on my taint
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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