Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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