I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
