soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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