I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
